Frustrated with life/A little bit of therapy.

I'm sure a cake bowl... or 20... would help right now, but I think getting all will help a bit more. That, and my pants will still fit. Basically, I've been in a bit of a funk and been a little mopey lately. It's certainly not all the time. When I'm doing something--in class, actively watching tv, talking to/spending time with Duane, etc--I'm perfectly fine, but when I'm bored and not doing all that much, I feel like complete crap. At first, I thought perhaps it was just new semester stress, especially considering the extreme dread I have about my Honors Seminar. However, I really don't think that's it.

I think its actually some anger/frustration at life. Not my life. Pretty much everything in my life is going extremely well and I'm very happy and at peace and all that psychobabble crap. Haha. As most people know, I'm all about the childhood cancer stuff, and well, a lot of kids that I either know or whose webpages I've randomly come across aren't doing so hot lately. Carter escpecially depresses me. I've talked to his mom a few times and I feel so bad for his family. To state it plainly, barring some great miracle cure in the next few weeks, he's done. :( And I usually check his journal everynight before bed for an update, which leads to, I think, the main cause of my recent funk. I keep having dreams that Ty has relapsed, which are kind of like those nightmares kids have when they're little that freak them out for the rest of the day, causing them to have trouble sleeping the following night. Also, Tony and some of his friends have asked me about Kristin since they're like "Hey, Kailey knows about cancer!" And while I don't know specifics, so I can only guess, I'm quite sure months without chemo + AML = not such a good thing, although since she's not to transplant yet, it's probably not as big of a deal if she were to relapse while off treatment for the infection. Of course, all they can think of is that Aaron had cancer and he died so what about Kristin?

Finally, I think another minor part of my funk is work-related. At first, I liked my job but I'm now fairly certain that it was because of almost 2 months of sitting with Susie, the greatest patient ever. Now I pretty much dread going to work or even thinking about scheduling. I just wish I had more time to sit around and do nothing rather than try to cram a few hours of work in, which is perhaps (I just had this epiphany as I typed that, btw) why I'm in my funk and so stressed. I feel like I don't have time to relax so that when I actually do relax, I'm under the impression that I should be doing something so as not to be short on time later. And what is the cause of that time deficiency, you ask. Work. Damn crazy people.

And on that note, I officially quit all useful activity until about 1:30 tomorrow afternoon. Goodnight.