Darwin Award

In case you are not familiar, Darwin Awards are handed out to people...posthumously, of course... to people who kill themselves in such ridiculous ways that they deserve some recognition and thanks for removing themselves from the gene pool. Like, say, the fellow in California, I believe it was, that rigged his car with a jet engine, hoping to go reeeally fast, only to shoot himself into a mountain side about a mile and a half away, leaving only some lugnuts and a charred spot on the rocks. I'm fairly sure I almost won one myself once... but that is a story for another time. And, well, I'll keep my dignity, thank you.

But why am I talking about Darwin Awards, you say. Well, I worked today, which is sure to supply many, many almost Darwin nominees. This patient had no intention of harming himself, however, he is positively too stupid for that plan to hold up. You see, my new friend Bob is 79 and has emphysema, for which he requires oxygen. You'll surely never guess how he got the exploding lung disease. Why, smoking, of course. And smoking, as it turns out, is something Bob just couldn't quite give up after being given at-home oxygen. (Sidebar: If you don't see where this is going, you're as dumb as Bob.)

Yes, you guessed it. The moron blew himself up. His face is nice and crispy, as are his left hand and his nostrils. The best part, however, is not that he blew himself up...even though that's certainly hilarious--seriously, how dumb can you be?! They give you explosion hazard signs!!..but that we had a nice long chat both about how that hasn't happened any of the other times he's smoked with oxygen on and that he had no idea oxygen could cause explosions like that. Ya think?!

Oh well, fortunately for Bob, he assured me he cannont remember a thing. "I reckon that fireball knocked me right out and on the floor!" You don't say, Bob, you don't say.